“The psychology of power, control, and consent — from someone learning to hold all three.”

I’m a full-time psychology student, and I’m training to become a professional dominatrix.

Those two things aren’t as separate as they might sound. Before I ever hold structure for someone else, I want to actually understand what’s happening underneath it — the nervous system science of control and release, the attachment theory behind trust and structure, the psychology of ritual, the ethics of consent that make any of this responsible in the first place.

This blog is where that understanding gets worked out in public. Some posts will be explainers — breaking down the psychology behind specific dynamics. Some will be more personal — what I’m learning in my program, questions I’m sitting with, things I’ve had to unlearn. All of it is written with the same goal: to treat this practice with the seriousness and care it actually requires, not the caricature it usually gets.

If you’re here out of curiosity about the psychology, welcome. If you’re here because you’re considering this kind of dynamic for yourself, I hope these posts give you a more grounded starting point than most of what’s out there. And if you’re a fellow student of psychology wondering why on earth I’d combine the two — that’s a fair question, and I answer it a little more with every post.

Thanks for reading.

— Candy